Insecurity

I am glad I am at least mature and humble enough to admit one of my struggles is with insecurity. I hate that I am all to familiar with it but it is my reality. I know there are plenty of valid reasons why I am someone who needs extra reassurance and encouragement(definitely had an unhealthy upbringing!) but sometimes I wonder if feeling insecure is something I bring upon myself and/or a way I am spiritually attacked. I'm trying to spend more time understanding why it's a main struggle of mine and how to be proactive when I feel prone to believing the lies the pop up from time to time.

Just a few years ago I recognized the very negative and critical thought patterns I was having and how I was basically telling myself things like, "you're not good enough to do that...nobody really cares if you are there or not...everyone thinks you are a joke." Pretty cruel stuff, huh? To even type those things out makes me sad. I imagine saying those things out loud to a loved one and seeing their reaction. They would be so hurt! So why in the world would I treat myself this way?

Thankfully, with the help of God's discernment, a loving husband, faithful friends, and a gifted counselor, I was able to see that the author of those thoughts was not God. If I were to love my neighbor the way I had been "loving" myself, that would be quite an ugly sight.

I have spent all my life trying to be better at accepting and embracing who God has called me to be while offering grace instead of harsh judgement at every one of my mistakes and failures. It seems as though it's easy for me to forget I am a full fledged sinner on a daily basis. Let's just say I could easily write a long blog post about pride as well. ;)

Anyway, tonight I am thinking about how glad I am that my security is found in Christ and not of this world. I am a poor example of living that out in many ways but I am trying to change with God's help. I don't want to be preoccupied with what others think of me, what possessions I want, or how I can be so easily satisfied with earthly treasures.

This song, "Empty Me" by Jeremy Camp, is one of my favorites and tonight I read the main verses of the song and pray for His refining work to be done in me; to rid me of the things that are of myself and not of Him...

Holy Fire burn away, 
My desire for anything 
That is not of you and is of me.
I want more of you and less of me.  
Empty me, 
Empty me, yeah, 
Fill, won’t you fill me, 
With you, with you, yeah.